pWdumaNjA-6CEEBhRoD5euxNETs When All This Actual Life Played Out: And a star gems the sky

20 November 2014

And a star gems the sky

26 November 2011

Oddly, my mind wandered to flowers.

For reasons we never understood, when my grandmother died, my aunt ordered at least a dozen absolutely hideous funeral arrangements to be ranged around her casket. Gladioli in chartreuse and a hideous orange and lime green (I may be making that last one up in my head, but that's what I remember). Arrangements that fanned out like the tail of some gruesome bird.

I hate gladioli.

For a stunned moment, whilst on the phone this morning, I thought, I should order flowers, and just as suddenly, shied away from the thought.

Not my job.

But I had a job today, and that job was telling people. First, I had to the tell the spouse, and that moment was beyond awful. And then I had to tell my children, and that moment was worse. It was my job to answer the phone. To help with writing notes. To handle practicalities and offer gentle reminders.

The spouse recognizes that I, too, am grieving. But I have the capacity to put that aside for the most part and do triage. Periodically, I probe the pain gingerly, like a sore tooth, but quickly shy away as the moment of impact approaches, as I come close to acknowledging that someone is gone from our lives.

Time enough, later, for that.

Tech stuff: Taken with my Nikon D40. For CHS, 1928-2014. I wish I'd had a better photo.

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