pWdumaNjA-6CEEBhRoD5euxNETs When All This Actual Life Played Out

25 September 2016

A rough week

 
Sunny Jim Cave
La Jolla, California
25 August 2016
 
We were really too busy this summer to do much traveling, but we did take a quick trip down to La Jolla and San Diego. I promised the daughter we'd visit the cave and so we did.
 
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So heartbreaking to learn of the death of Marlins pitcher Jose Fernandez when I woke this morning. Another promising young light extinguished too soon.
 
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On a brighter note, the first episode of Fox's new baseball series Pitch was really well done. And I need something to fill the void now that Mr. Robot is finished for the year.
 
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And finally, Milton does in fact have a cancerous tumor in his hip. The doctor says it's in the skin, so it may be that removing it will be the cure. But of course, there must be bloodwork and x-rays first. I already put the kibosh on chemo. Milton is nearing 16, and any treatment needs to be useful without diminishing what time he has left. And yes, my rational tone is not indicative of just how much this hurts. It doesn't matter that he's at the far end of average life expectancy. He is still my youngest baby.
 
Tech stuff: Taken with my iPhone6.
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21 September 2016

Sweet dreams

 
Milton
21 September 2016
 
I make him pillows filled with catnip. They are little, hand sewn from fat quarters of fabric I picked up at a now defunct quilting store. He dances under my feet while I fill them, still able to smell the fragrance that is so irresistible. When it's finished, he grabs it from my hands, rolls on the floor with it, holding it between his paws, rubbing his face with it, and finally, exhausted, goes to sleep with it under his head or a paw.
 
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It happened so fast. Sunday night, I felt a lump near his left hip. Took him in to the vet. We're waiting on labs, but the vet is a pragmatist, and I guess I am, too. We saved him 5 and a half years ago. I don't think we'll be so lucky this time.
 
Tech stuff: Taken with my iPhone6.
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20 September 2016

I look at you all...

 
Orange County, California
20 September 2016

11 September 2016

Double negative (and a positive)


Fifteen years have passed and there are truths that are self-evident:

I will never not see that second plane going into the tower.

I will never not see the towers falling behind the man who was being interviewed on camera.

I will never not read the reports about how the towers fell, making my edit marks and trying not to comprehend what I was reading.

I will never not trace my finger around the photos of the blast radius, understanding the facts but not the rationale for what happened.

I will never not think "blast radius."

I will never not scream the words I screamed that morning, a scream of primal rage and fear and anguish. I will never not know what I knew at that instant. I will never not be right about it.

I will always believe that we as a world can be better than we are and I will face every morning as that better person. I won't always succeed in being her, but I will never not work at it.

31 August 2016

It's a trap!

 
Admiral Ackbar
29 August 2016

These things are always complicated.

When the son was nine, he went to a birthday party where the parent gave each child a live goldfish as a party favor. Naturally, the son's poor fish died before he even got to the house, and the son was heartbroken. So I told the son we'd replace the goldfish, and when the spouse went to fulfill this commission, the pet store guy talked him into getting a betta instead.

Which is how the adventure in betta ownership began. Despite the cat's best efforts, Spyro lived a long and apparently happy life, racking up over five years in the large aquarium that the cat could not knock over or get into.

And that would have been the end of it except that somewhere along the line, I told the daughter that she could have a betta when she turned nine and she unfortunately remembered this promise.

I have been hearing about it on and off for the last 10 years because I have cheerfully failed to get her a fish.

For whatever reason, she got a bug in her ear last weekend about having a second desk in her room, and I was given the commission of getting this desk (because we allowed the son to have two desks in his room), and then the betta came up--accusatorily--again.

So Monday morning, while I was grocery shopping, I marched into the pet store and bought a betta. I texted her the above photo, and got back

"Is that..."
"A fishy?"

And naturally, it has been true love. She has named him Admiral Ackbar. I have already had to buy him a larger and more elaborate aquarium (no, I did not leave him in the cup for crying out loud but the 1 gallon aquarium was judged too diminutive for a fish of such outsize personality. Also, cat. Same cat, even.) The fish has responded by making a large and happy bubble nest, and I pass the daughter's room to find her cooing at him. He swims around approvingly.

All's well, and the daughter has no more blackmail material.

Tech stuff: Taken with my iPhone6. Please let me make it abundantly clear that I in no way endorse gifting live animals to small children, and truth be told, I was livid a parent thought it was okay to a) use goldfish as party favors and b) foist a fish on me. We take animal care extremely seriously and never enter into it lightly. Just ask my vet.
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30 August 2016

Scatter crows and feel the gold light

 
Orange County, California
30 August 2016
 
Back in June, I decided that I was tired of the genteel (and useless and boring) doctor-and-p.t. approved exercise regimen (that I didn't do half the time). I was tired of being mostly out of shape, frequently ill and always in pain. So, I went back to my own patented guerrilla methods of exercise. I am up to an hour (okay a gentle hour, not like my previous near spinning class) on the recumbent bike and many days I can walk between 2.5 and 5 miles (and I managed a 15-minute mile today--not my previous 11-minute mile but better than I've managed in 5 years). And then weight stuff (hahaha, given the clavicle dislocation or whatever but I'm doing it anyway). So I'm more in shape, sometimes ill and always in pain. But I feel better overall.
 
IRL darlings: I have two choices. Piddle around like the doctors want and eventually end up in surgery. Or be me and eventually end up in surgery. I'll take the latter. Because it's that or take the long walk into the deep ocean and I'm not kidding.
 
I've traveled this road--this actual road--so many times in all the years that I've had to learn to walk again. And again. And again. Fifteen years later, I still stagger sometimes (perfect balance is gone for good now), and this morning, my damned right leg DID.NOT.WANT. But I pushed forward and finally at the end of 2 miles, I could feel enough of it not to be terrified of falling over.
 
Not dead yet.
 
Go listen to some good music:"Come My Sunshine" from the album Spells by The Comas. Tech stuff: Taken with my iPhone6.
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24 August 2016

Ripper

 
He is, in fact, yawning
20 August 2016

Yup, I'm a terrible blogger.

I am resorting to posting photos of the cat yawning. What's next? A selfie?

(Short answer: no).

Tech stuff: Taken with my iPhone6.
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